Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in danteisdead37's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
2:15 am	Poetry I just found this... my own poem and decided that I like it, what do you think? Solitary Cold, late October night. Full moon, frost, beer and cigarettes. My companions this night as frost settles, On the deck, the grass and my beard. I rest, early, or late, looking at the painful Bright blue light, the moon lights the sky but pales the stars. Much like me paled to you, faded to the back, insignificant. Mere eclipse or supernova? There is frost on the cushions of the love seat swing, Where you slept last I saw you here, Your lips and hair, milky white and red, Strawberries and cream, silky smooth. Alone in the frost, this acute silence, It deepens the senses, The burning paper and tobacco scream, teeth chatter, Cold aluminum sticks to my lip, bitter nectar, Bitter tastes and feelings, pain upon pain-you. My Galatea, my love, my life, my loss Over? What's left? Death? Worse. A blank page... Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Dashboard - Ender will save us all (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 28th, 2005
12:44 am	hatred hatred spewed at me, from glances to words. I cannot wait for this pain to be over. love is a myth. a temporary distraction from pain. I will only ever get hurt, but I will keep trying. why? love Current Mood: depressed Current Music: JT - Fire and Rain (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
4:04 am	How was your night? Paul's text message: "I feel worthless" Reply: "Good" Doesn't matter who sent it, it means Paul needs to look inside and figure out himself. Introspective and shit. I don't want to make anyone else happy, just me. Fuck everyone. Trying to make others happy just hurts me. So fuck it. Current Mood: angry Current Music: Staind - Mudshovel (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 26th, 2005
11:09 pm	Head Spinning Too much too fast. That is how I always feel about change in my life. Indecision hurts, moving on hurts, moving out hurts. Feeling utterly and totally alone is excruciating. But I guess that is where I am right now, and it sucks. I lost my story. What I wrote that I said was the best thing I have ever written. Well, it is now the best thing I have ever lost. Oh well, I am a shitty writer anyway and probably would have fucked up a good story. Sorry Karl. Current Mood: confused Current Music: Wolverine - John Hickey (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
1:27 pm	beaten but not broken I am sitting here, writitng something just to get it out. Last night was one in a list of long horrible nights between Kris and I. That whole thin line between love and hate thing. It was made better by people I consider friends. I don't know if they feel the same, but Ry, Dani, Christine and Michelle, thank you. It means a lot to know I am not alone down here. Luckily I am going hme to western MA to see the fam and friends. I will be back friday to midshift. And another special thanks goes out to Hickey for giving me the song that has been on repeat in my CD player and my head for days: "Hey the ice of boston is muddy, and reflects no light in the day or night, and i slip on it every time" Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: The Dismemberment Plan - The Ice of Boston (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 20th, 2005
2:28 am	it's 2:30, I am alone, just went drinking with me and a married couple... I love june and steve, but if this is the extent of my social life, I am a loser. What does it matter. Fuck it. Current Music: Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
11:35 pm	I am a loser... Or so I was told. I am a loser content with my loser job and lack of ambition and lack of drive for the good life. I will never be a writer. I have no talent and shouldn't bother to try. I will never amount to anything more than a bookseller or head cashier. I am trying to stay stuck in the rut of having fun like I did in college and am too lazy to move on into life and make a relationship work. I am nothing and never will be because I am willing to accept my current lot in life... I deserve that. I deserve the pain it caused, but it is wrong. I have a story started that is the best thing I have ever written. It may be shit, let's face it, but I am not writing it for anyone else. That has always been my problem. I wanted to be a famous author... I wanted to write something great that people would want to read. Now I just want to write something that is cathartic. I am, for the first time in my life writing for me. The character came to me and he is mine. He will show me where he wants to go and I will put it down... if anything ever comes of it great, if not, I still own the story. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Pearl Jam - Black (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 14th, 2005
12:20 am	Good day* It was a good day today. Morning meeting followed by lounging and watching movies followed by first day as re-head cashier. It went smoothly except for the asshole customer who took one of my cashiers ripping up an expired educator discount card as a personal assault on his race... so he yells at her for 10 minutes, making her cry. The girl looks 14 for christ sake... lay off. Not feeling so great about things right now though... I think too much sometimes... attempt to sleep now Current Mood: confused Current Music: Dashboard - Brilliant Dance (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
12:35 am	big fucking emo why? Why is all this shit so fucking hard? Kris passed out at work today, fell directly onto her chin, she was partially delirious, angry with me and just asking me to love her. Seems like a simple request from someone I loved so much. It should be so easy, I do love her. Always will, I have been through far too much with her not to. I cannot make myself feel like I did though. We broke up because she gave me the "all or nothing" ultimatum and I cannot do that. I understand where she is coming from, and she just thinks I am crazy. She will hate me soon enough. I wrote this a while back, just an angry scribble at the time but all too fitting: Love it patient, Love is kind, is bullshit Love, the only thing we need to remain constant is ever-changing I am not a poet, I know shit about form or anything, I am an idiot and a fool, I should not be allowed to write or speak. Everyone I have ever loved, barring family, hates me or has forgotten me, and those I know now will, soon enough. There... now that is fucking emo, god I hate labels. Lets make it worse, tell them how I feel Maynard: I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile. I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well. I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave, I will work to elevate you just enough to bring you down. Mother Mary won't you whisper something but the past and done. Mother Mary won't you whisper something but the past and done. Current Mood: numb Current Music: Tool - Sober (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 1st, 2005
7:50 pm	Me I hear you talk about your family life I wish I knew just what that means I guess my mother never loved my dad And now I wear it on my sleeve My sister called me just the other day It felt so good to hear her voice My problem is I don't have much to say I guess she doesn't have a choice and I'm sorry Look at me I'm so pathetic I can't believe I'm just an addict I've never needed anyone to help me I'm begging you to please come save me from myself, save me from my... My mothers always tried to change herself She never learned to let things be She doesn't know how bad she messed me up 'Cause now she seems so fake to me but I love her Look at me I'm so pathetic I can't believe I'm just an addict I've never needed anyone to help me I'm begging you to please come save me from myself, save me from myself If you push me then I won't fall I've been programmed to take it all And shove it way down inside Like my father (2x) I'm so pathetic I can't believe I'm just an addict I've never needed anyone to help me (I'm failing it) I'm begging you to please come save me from myself I hear you talk about your family life I wish I knew just what that means -Staind Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: I make this very evident (Comment on this)
1:09 am	ummm.... Love is a burning thing and it makes a firery ring bound by wild desire I fell in to a ring of fire... I fell in to a burning ring of fire I went down,down,down and the flames went higher. And it burns,burns,burns the ring of fire the ring of fire. The taste of love is sweet when hearts like our's meet I fell for you like a child oh, but the fire went wild.. Current Mood: numb Current Music: fucking guess (Comment on this)
Monday, October 31st, 2005
2:38 am	Not tired... So it is after 2:30, on a wonderful monday now. So what do I do? Try to get to my livejournal which I haven't looked at in 8 months... it is still under my old email and I can't remember the password, so I create a new one. I closed music Z2 and some of Z1 tonight. I feel like I am walking on eggshells around JG now, since he gave me one of his "talks". Apparently I am not productive at work. So I must have to bear down and work straight through in my zone, right? nope, he puts me in music for 2 hours... I am the store bitch. All this shit leaves me wondering why the fuck I put up with this for less than slave wages. It used to be the people, but some of them have moved on, some have changed, most have gotten tired of me, not that I blame them. Shawshank Redemption is on. It is one of the best movies ever. With one of the best lines ever, delivered perfectly by Morgan Freeman. "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin', goddamn right" So I haven't been living much. I have wanted to be a writer for most of my life, and yet this is the first thing I have written since the failed experiment that was the B&N employee writer's workshop. I handed out 10 copies of a story and have yet to get anything back... not even an in depth word about it. I know it sucked, much like everything I write, but just fucking tell me. Maybe I will just start writing. Write your pain right? I should be able to come up with one serviceable story from my BA in English and Writing minor, adding in a failed engagement, my next gf and her sister getting cancer. My little sister having a baby at 19. Being fired from Delmar, moving to Valhalla then Nanuet, hellish birthdays and shitty jobs (literally in some cases). But fuck if all I have come up with is a story about a guy with a sore asshole. This is the most random ramble ever. I don't care though, because most likely no one will read it. Everything in my life is crazy right now. I seem to take 3 steps back for every glance forward. I am lost in the promise of the good life and american dream. All I see is debt so deep I am suffocating, no real way out and no hope for the future. And that is me being positive. Oh well I am a jackass after all. Current Mood: drained Current Music: Third Eye Blind - Motorcycle Driveby (1 Comment |Comment on this)